I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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