did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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