Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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