bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i love accidental penises.
bring money and cleavage
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
