Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
