evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
