he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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