i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
