i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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