Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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