i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
