Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do herpes really smell.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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