check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
