maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
