when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
