So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
