google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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