I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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