I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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