Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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