saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
