I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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