I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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