At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
