I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
