Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
