Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
