he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
