im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
