rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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