filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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