"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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