Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
