What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
