There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
