You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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