I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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