I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize