low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
