i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
