you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
