i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
