I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
