dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
