I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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