I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
