Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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