im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
