So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
