this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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