wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
