Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
