I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
