Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
