I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
