i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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