Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
