I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
