I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have tasted many bathrooms
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
