There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
