D3 body, D1 cock
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
