I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
