he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
