I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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