apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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