I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
