So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
