Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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