dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
