Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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