Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
