If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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