i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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