Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
