She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
