My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is wine microwaveable?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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