If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will be naked everywhere
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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